Soldier's, you don't mind a little joke do ya?

The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon


encountering a snake in the Area of Operations or A Diversified


Approach to Military Operations:





Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.





Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.





Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.





Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake.


Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicures.





Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.





Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with


three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred


civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a


success and all participants (i.e. cooks, mechanics and clerks) are


awarded Silver Stars.





Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State


Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by


building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it


to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel voucher upon return.





Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in


obscure 5-series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using


countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't


understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.





Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support


in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to


safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALs kill Muslim


extremist snakes.





Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills


snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on


how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake


force projection.





Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local


civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.





Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.





Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.





Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works


feverishly to save snake's life.





Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)





Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two


weeks after due date.





F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses


target due to weather.





AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on


infra-red.





UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake starts


bonfire to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into the fire.





B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every


other living thing within two miles of target.





Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but


can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use


nuclear weapons.





Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only 4 of 35 indicators of


snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for


snake activity as LOW.





Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds


of professional courtesy.





CH-47 Pilot: Slingleg breaks in flight while slingloading anti-snake


equiptment, pilot cuts slingload. Slingload lands on snake and kills


it. Crew chief uses dead snake to replace broken slingleg.





Navy Pilot: Draped snake around neck at Tail Hook to pick up chicks.





Military Police: Gave snake a sobriety test for not moving in a


straight line.





Signal: Broadcasts 200,000+ watt transmissions in support of anti-


snake missions, accidentally electrecuted snake in the process.





Corps of Engineers: Surveyed and researched area for plans on


improving flood plain, can't do it because snake is on the endangered


species list.





Cooks: Snake sneaks in chow hall. Snake dies of food poisoning.

Soldier's, you don't mind a little joke do ya?
CLASSIC! roflmao! My hubby is in the Navy! I will be printing this out and showing it to him! My sides hurt from laughing so hard! It was awesome! Where did you find that joke?
Reply:Loved it, even the Marine stuff. Hell yeah we can laugh at ourselves, but God help anybody else that does!!!
Reply:Two last categories:


Barracks trooper; What is a snake.


REMF (look it up). "When I was there we had to fight millions of snakes, there were so many that ... yada yada yada."





Good story, we liked it.
Reply:That was funny! Thanks
Reply:LMAO 5811 gotta love em (will test anything including snakes) ^_^
Reply:meh, i think the marine ones were off but the rest were funny
Reply:Thats a good one, military rivalry...gotta love it!
Reply:You are sick, twisted and perverted......qualities I admire!!





SSG US Army 73-82


Signal and Aviation Support
Reply:Army sniper kills snake with one shot from a mile a way...hoping its the right snake and calls it diplomacy because it may or may not have been poisonous
Reply:Definitely worth a star.
Reply:That's funny. I like the one with the SEALs. Here is one of my favorite.





Seals vs. Green Beret





Two Seals boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, A Green Beret got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Seals. The Green Beret kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seal in the window seat said,"I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Green Beret, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Seal picked up the Green Beret's boot and spit in it. When the Green Beret returned with the coke, the other Seal said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Green Beret obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Seal picked up the other boot and spit in it. The Green Beret returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Green Beret slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" the Green Beret asked. "This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?"
Reply:i got a giggle out of that.





God Bless our Brave Troops.
Reply:LOL, that's funny.
Reply:OMG!!! I LOVE IT!!!!


That was great...thank you so much for posting that.


:-))
Reply:Here is one back to you.





Military Code of Conduct





US Marine Corps Rules:





1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.


2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.


3. Have a plan.


4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.


5. Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.


6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a ".4 or 9"


7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.


8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral %26amp; diagonal preferred.)


9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.


10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.


11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.


12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.


13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.


14. Come home a conquering warrior.





Navy SEALS Rules:





1. Look very cool in sunglasses.


2. Kill every living thing within view.


3. Adjust Speedo.


4. Check hair in mirror.


5. Come home a conquering warrior.





US Army Rangers Rules:





1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.


2. Locate individuals requiring killing.


3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.


4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.


5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.


6. Come home a conquering warrior.





US Army Rules:





1. Select a new beret to wear.


2. Sew patches on right shoulder.


3. Change the color of beret you decide to wear.


4. Come home a conquering warrior.





US Air Force Rules:





1. Have a cocktail.


2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.


3. See what's on HBO.


4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"


5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation.


6. Wine %26amp; dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD %26amp; defense industry executives.


7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.


8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.


9. Hurry to make 1345 tee-time.


10. Come home a conquering warrior.





US Navy Rules:





1. Go to Sea.


2. Drink Coffee.


3. Watch porn.


4. Deploy the Marines.


5. Do something you can never tell anyone else in the next port.


6. Come home a conquering warrior.
Reply:this question must have been a waste of your time cuz it sure was of mine!

teeth grinding